As it turns out, my case of endometriosis is a lot more severe than we thought it was. Like... we have a VERY short window to try to get pregnant before the disease comes back. We already did one month of Clomid, and we are still waiting to find out if that was successful (fingers crossed!). Dr. Calhoun says she would be less concerned if my endometriosis wasn't so bad. But, she is very concerned, and time is definitely not on our side. If I am not pregnant this month, I will be doubling my dosage and taking 100mg of Clomid (increases the chance of twins!), and we will be doing an IUI next month... a.k.a. Artificial Insemination. I will meet with the doctor 4 times next month, and the 3rd appointment is IUI day!
We are so excited about this IUI coming up, but very stressed as well. We have a HUGE dilemma. We have such a short window to get pregnant before the endometriosis comes back. If this IUI does not work, we need to start IVF. As most of you know, IVF can range from $10,000 - $15,000. It is so expensive. Any normal person would think, "Oh! Just have the surgery again when you can afford IVF!" That's what we thought, but unfortunately, the surgery is very damaging to my fallopian tubes. My tubes are like tissue paper. I only have one working right now, and Dr. Calhoun said my only working one has probably healed in a deformed way because of the effects of the surgery. So, really, we need to have an IVF soon if the Clomid alone from this month or the IUI next month doesn't work. We aren't so sure with what to do. Heavenly Father will help us.
Remaining faithful through all of this is really important. I am so grateful for this gospel. It brings me so much happiness. But, I would be lying if I said this trial didn't tear me apart sometimes. It's so hard to dream of being a mother, ever since I was a little girl... and then come to find out that I can't get pregnant. As a woman, I want to feel like the mother Heavenly Father intended us women to be! I want to be that Mormon mom with 7 or 8 kids with a huge minivan to drive them all around in. I know I will be a mother soon, whether it be a foster mom, adoptive mom, or biological mom. I am not sure what will come first, but either way, I will be a mother.
Heavenly Father has done so much to ease this burden for me. Tyler is so wonderful. He is so supportive, and is always there to wipe away my tears. I love him so much. Another huge blessing, is my dog, Jonah. He acts like a baby, and is the perfect size. He lays on his back in my arms and would let me hold him forever, if I wanted to. I am not saying he is a baby, or equal to one, but he definitely fills the gap. I have him to hold in my arms. I have a countless number of blessings, that I will forever be grateful for. Heavenly Father is so wonderful, and understanding. He will help Tyler and I through this trial, just like He has been this entire time!
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